What to do when the sex is really bad

sexologist in Lahore

So, no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your orgasm’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life M.I.A. If this spin on the song is something you can relate to after a really bad romp in the bed, it is okay. 

Things do not always turn out the way we anticipated, especially when our expectations have been set high, thank you romance novels. But if it is a constant struggle, there are some things that you can do to salvage your sex life. 

First things first 

Before trying to understand just why the sex is so bad, you need to first rule out sexual dysfunction. Men and women, both, can suffer from issues that can have a grave impact on their performance and ability to have sex altogether. 

In such cases, you should get help from a sexologist in Lahore. These issues are beyond your sexual prowess, so addressing them first is important. 

Was it really bad or did you set impossibly high standards?

We are influenced by a hoard of factors. Perhaps you were influenced by steamy scenes in some movie or read novels that caused you to develop high expectations out of sex; you know, the kind where the couple have multiple orgasms in one breath, those. 

And since you expected so much more out of the experience, what you got was tainted by your brain’s anticipation of it. So, ask yourself if sex was bad because you were measuring it against a yardstick that was too high, or was it bad, in real as well. 

Were you present in the moment or were you in your head?

You know how if you are at some event, the first thing you want to do –well, mostly – is capture the moment. Some want to put it on their socials, others want to preserve the memory. But you do realize that you then do not experience the moment itself, or at least, mindfully experience it then. 

Now, since that has become a general approach to life, as we often tend to live in our heads, the same can also occur during sex as well. It can so happen that you did not experience sex because you were so caught up on comparing it to the thoughts you had about it. These could be comparisons to other situations, your experiences, what people told you, etc. 

These then influence your experience, and thus, you might then perceive it to be bad, when in reality, it might not have been this case. So, think more mindfully about sex then. 

It was bad, so now what?

If the sex was genuinely, with a doubt, horrible, then do not throw in the towel just yet. There are things that you can do to salvage your sex life. 


It is especially important to communicate to your partner when starting out. Every person is different, so you need to guide your partner on what you like, and vice versa. 

So, have the important, albeit awkward, discussion on what went wrong. Try to hear each other out and guide each other better for mutual pleasure. 

Make it fun

Sex is not an exam you have to pass. No one is grading on your performance. It can also be hailed as the singular human experience that is simply about pleasure. 

So, enjoy. Stop wondering about how you are performing – but do not be selfish– , are you looking sexy, and other inconsequential things. 

Maybe you need a doctor

Performance anxiety is real. The pressure of performing can cause men to experience erectile dysfunction as well. Similarly, women might also have pelvic floor issues that can make having sex downright painful for them. 

Hence, it also helps to seek counsel of an expert in sexologist in Islamabad. They can guide you over the medical and psychological elements that might be getting in your way of having a satisfying sex life. 

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About the Author: Micky Aron